Firstly, thank you so much for your kind messages of support! I was amazed
at the number of people who were fascinated by my article about the
concept of miniaturisation. And I was surprised by how many of you had made
the trip to Euro Disney and got on the 'It's a Small World After All' ride.
There were no reports of anyone shirking down in size but I can tell you now
that there are quite a few happy couples awaiting the patter of tiny feet.
Surely, I can't take credit for that!?!

Sorting through the emails, I was jiggered when I saw the name NINTENDO pop
up in my Inbox. What could that, fat-thumbed-from-gaming, multinational

'Dear Mr Bedford (how formal),' it said. 'We were very interested to read
your recent article and we feel you could be of great service to us. We are
trying to make 'Big Brother' for the GameBoy and thought it would be a
unique selling point to down-size the contestants – so that they could
actually live inside each persons machine!'.

Imagine having a contestant shout at you, every time you turned the GameBoy on?
An unmistakable cockney twang bellowing, 'ere, get me effing out of 'ere'.
I suppose you could always press button 'A' and send a giant Tetris block
crashing down on their head?

Which reminds me… Someone emailed the website and wrote about Dagenham. It
brought back happy memories of another project I was once involved in. Dagenham,
you see, is on the A13. Further on, up that fine road is Thurrock – home to
a mega-sized IKEA.

I was called in to see the Swedish wood-turners to discuss a most secret
idea that I had proposed: 'Flat-Pack Music'.

I was warmly welcomed by Ingma, Svennis and Britte (have you noticed that
IKEA employees always have a faint whiff of sawdust about them?). I unrolled
my drawings and showed them my concept: 'Build a Boy Band Straight out of
the Box!' (Only a screwdriver required for assembly). Not only would you be
able to make a fully formed group but also you could construct the stools
for them to sit on – ideal when singing the cheesy ballad. Also included a
free CD Rack to store all of their discs!

The name of this band? Woodzone, of course.